Dante's Return
by Shinigami117
Summary: What ever happened to Dante? Did he escape hell? Find out the amusing answers here. Bad summary but I couldn't think of a better one. Please review!


**_Dante's Return_**

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**_AN:This story takes place directly after _****_DMC_****_2. It is just an amusing idea I came up with out of the blue._**

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**_At The Devil May Cry_**

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Lucia heard the sound of a motorcycle and dashed outside to see who it was._ Please be Dante! _She thought desperately. She ran outside and looked around hopefully. "Oh... you're not Dante..."she said sadly.

"Who are you?" Trish asked as she got off her motorcycle.

"I'm Lucia, are you a customer?" Lucia asked half-heartedly.

"No, I am here to see Dante though," Trish said.

"Oh... well, I'm sorry but he's not available," Lucia said.

"What do you mean? He didn't run away to escape paying his debt to me did he! ?" Trish said angrily.

"No! Nothing like that..." Lucia said. She then explained everything that had happened.

"He's trapped in hell?" Trish asked.

"Yes, it's terrible, I should have been the one to go in there!" Lucia sobbed. Trish, however, didn't look concerned, in fact, she was laughing. "What's wrong with you? This isn't funny!" Lucia exclaimed.

"Oh come on, do you seriously think he'll be trapped forever? Just look at all the pathetic demons running around, if they can find a way out I'm sure he can!" Trish said.

"I still don't see what's so funny... He could be hurt, or killed!" Lucia wailed.

Trish started laughing again. "If you're gonna feel sorry for someone do so for the demons. They're the ones who are gonna be in trouble," Trish  
said with a grin.

"I know he's a talented demon hunter but hell is the demons home, he'll be horribly outnumbered and who knows what terrible monsters live  
there!" Lucia argued.

"He can handle it, the demons will be wishing they had never been born!" Trish said cheerfully.

"I don't know..." Lucia said doubtfully.

"Trust me, he'll be having the time of his life getting to fight so many demons," Trish said with a smile. Then her pleasant smile turned to an evil grin. "Well, let me take that back. He'll be in utter misery once he realizes something," she said with an evil gleam in her eye.

"Oh no! What is it?" Lucia asked with a worried look on her face.

"Hell doesn't have pizza!" Trish said with a laugh.

"Hey! You had me worried!" Lucia said angrily.

"You need to lighten up a little," Trish said. Lucia just glared at her.

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**_Meanwhile In Hell..._**

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"This is great! I get to kill all the demons I want to with no strings attached!" Dante said cheerfully. "No protect missions, no saving the world, no debts to pay, no pizza... I could live like this for-"All of a sudden Dante stopped with a look of horror. "No pizza or strawberry sundaes! This is terrible, I can't live without them! I've got to get out of here!" Dante whined. At that moment a large group of demons popped out of nowhere."This is all your fault! If you would leave the human world alone I wouldn't be in this mess! I would still have pizza!" Dante yelled in rage. He rushed at the demons and then preceded to kill them all in painful, gruesome ways.

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**_3 Years Later_**

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A group of extremely old and powerful demons sat at a table. They were clearly having a meeting. They all looked frightened and angry. "We've got to stop this, almost half of hell's population has been wiped out!" One demon said angrily.

"I don't see what we can do, we already sent Nerolith and his brother, Nefzen, after him. They were some of the most powerful demons here, besides myself, and we found them being torn apart and eaten by that psycho Dante! He was saying, 'Hmmm, this tastes kinda funny but it's still some good pizza!' while covered in their blood and eating them!" another demon exclaimed. All the others flinched and gave looks of disgust and horror at the memory.

"I know, Nericros, but we have to keep trying," the other demon said.

"I just don't know what to do...if we could lure him into a trap somehow..." Nericros said.

"I know! Let's send a lesser demon to the human world and tell it to bring back some of that pizza! He's sure to come after it!" another demon said.

"Great plan, Aseph! It just might work!" Nericros exclaimed.

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**_Several Days Later_**

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Dante wondered about with a psychotic expression on his face while covered in demon blood. After 3 years without pizza he had snapped. He couldn't handle it anymore and started eating demons, deciding they were a good enough substitute for pizza. He looked around hungrily, trying to spot a demon. That's when he saw it, right there, on the ground, was a box of pizza! He rushed forward but then stopped.

_Last time I thought I saw a pizza it turned out to be a round lava rock. I was hallucinating badly and it took_ _days before my teeth came back and my burns healed..._he thought warily. He stared at it for a little bit before deciding he would simply nibble on it to test it out. He ran over to it and picked it up. He then tentatively nibbled on the edged. "It is pizza!" he shouted in joy. He almost swallowed it whole. He stood there triumphantly for a little bit._ Why is everything so fuzzy?_ He wondered then he passed out._  
Where am I?_ He wondered as he looked around groggily. He realized he was in a dungeon. _Well, I guess that's what I get for falling for such a stupid trick..._ he thought.

"Are you Dante?" a deep voice asked.

"So what if I am?" Dante replied.

"You have killed many of our brethren and for that you must pay," Nericros said as he walked up to Dante. Dante was chained to the wall and couldn't do anything but glare at him.

"It's not my fault, you could have just left me alone, but no!" Dante said irritably.

"You will pay for your insolence, human!" Nericros said angrily.

"I'm tired of you idiots saying stuff like that! I'm not human! I'm half demon!" Dante said angrily.

"It doesn't matter! You will be punished either way," Nericros replied.

"Whatever, so what's you 'horrible punishment'?" Dante taunted.

"I'm tired of you! You will be killed in the most painful, horrific way I can think of!" Nericros growled.

"I'm so scared," Dante said sarcastically.

"Bring the prisoner to the execution platform!" Nericros ordered the guards. Then he left. The guards walked over and unchained Dante. They then forcefully tied his hands behind his back and forced him to walk. He seemed completely at ease which irritated the guards. One of them started to kick him but he just laughed at their sorry attempts to hurt him.

"Is that the best you can do?" he taunted.

"You'll not be so cocky when your heads on a platter in Lord Nericros' chambers!" one of them growled. Dante just smirked. They led him outside to a large platform with seats all around for demons to watch the show.

"Have a good time," one of the guards taunted before shoving him out onto the platform. Nericros walked to the edge of the platform and stood before the crowd of bloodthirsty demons.

"Before you stands the worst enemy hell has faced since Sparda! Ironically, he is the son of Sparda. He will pay for his and his father's treachery!" Nericros roared. The crowd cheered. All of a sudden the crowd started gasping. Nericros turned around to see what they were staring at and then he too gasped. Dante had gone devil trigger and freed himself.

"I would have thought you would have known about this, but I guess me making sure all of the witnesses to this ability of mine were killed paid off, "Dante said with a smirk.

_No! We can't let him get away! _Nericros thought desperately.

Suddenly, Aseph ran onto the platform. "O great and powerful Dante hear my plea!" he said. Dante looked at him in confusion. "We will tell you a way out of hell if you promise to leave us in peace!" he said.

Dante looked at him skeptically. "Why would I believe you? It's probably another trap. I might not be completely in my right mind but there's no way I'd fall for that!" Dante exclaimed.

"Do you really think we would have the time to prepare for another trap? Anyway, you haven't got anything left to loose. You can't live long in a world where everyone wants you dead," Aseph said.

"Well you've got a point there. I don't know..." Dante muttered. _He's right, I don't have anything left to lose other than my life and what's the point of_ _living without pizza? _Dante thought. "Ok, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'll trust you," Dante said.

"Thank you merciful one!" Aseph exclaimed.

_Why can't I get praises like this from a girl?_ Dante wondered.

* * *

**_Several More Days Later_**

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_I can't believe it, it wasn't a trap!_ Dante thought joyfully. The demons had decided that Aseph's plan was their only hope, so they led Dante to a portal out of hell. He looked around in amazement; it had been so long since he had seen humans. They were much better company than demons even if they were annoying sometimes. He wondered if he should go for pizza first or check on his shop._ I'll get pizza first so I'll be mostly sane again _he decided. He went to the pizza place and ordered an extra-large pizza. _Crap, I don't have any money, I'm already gonna be in debt again_ he thought with a sigh. After he finished the pizza he when back to his shop. He looked around in surprise. The place was dust free and cleaner than ever! _How can this_ _be?_ He wondered. He shrugged and then headed for the shower. _I probably smell horrible after not having a bath in 3 years_ he thought; _I'll scare away all the girls._ After taking a nice, long shower he went strait to the couch and laid down._ I've haven't slept much in 3 years, after all, I hardly got a break. That's probably one of the main reasons I snapped _he thought. He slept for a long time and would have kept sleeping if he hadn't heard the door open. "What? Customers already? I just got back!" he whined.

"Dante? Is it really you?" he heard a girl whisper.

"Last time I checked I was Dante," he said with a grin. Lucia ran over and hugged him so hard he couldn't breath. "Ow, get off, you're smothering me!" he gasped. She quickly let go.

"Oh, I'm so glad your back! Trish told me you would come back so I've been running the business for you. I was beginning to lose hope!" she sobbed.

"I'm fine so you can stop crying," he said.

"I've got to tell Trish!" Lucia exclaimed.

"No! Err, I mean, maybe later," Dante said quickly.

"I bet you're afraid she hasn't forgotten your debt to her, well, you're right," Lucia said with a grin.

"Aww man!" Dante whined.

"I interrupted your nap didn't I? I'll let you get your rest, I'm sure your need it," she said and then she left.

_I'm glad to be back too_ Dante thought with a smile and then he fell asleep.

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**_Disclaimer: I don't own DMC. But_****_ I do own all those named demons other than Sparda._**


End file.
